


Romance Novels

by satalderihannsu



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Characters Reading Fanfiction, Comedy, F/M, M/M, smutty epilogue, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-24
Updated: 2014-09-24
Packaged: 2018-02-18 14:29:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2351720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satalderihannsu/pseuds/satalderihannsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Did you know that if anything becomes popular enough, there are romance novels of it?  Seriously, google "NASCAR romance novels right now.  It's all right, I'll wait.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Free Shipping on Orders Over 35 Stern Dollars

Tomoe giggled as she flipped through the gift. “Really?” she coughed. “Oh, my… This one is…”

“Eh, it’s a little racier. But I promised you every one.”

Tomoe laughed aloud. “Who is my competition this time?”

Kotetsu blushed. “Julie, or maybe Julia, I forget. Some white girl in the city.”

Tomoe turned away and put the blue and white wrapping paper into the recycling. She flipped the paperback open to a random page. “Let’s see… Oh, I see she was kidnapped for her wealthy father’s ransom money. I think you might be very gallantly saving her from a terrorist. Um, oh! It’s on a rouge airship. This is very exciting.” Tomoe grinned and trotted to Kotetsu. Stepping on her tiptoes she delivered a sweet kiss to her own personal Hero. Kotetsu blinked, blushed, and recovered quickly with a rough growl.

And in another several months the two delightedly chose the name Kaede…

***

“What is that?” said Barnaby.

Kotetsu pulled the novel from in front of his face and grinned. “Ah, Bunny-chan! You’re joining me for lunch?” Kotetsu motioned for the other to join him at his table. A bit of bread and oil was left, but the bunny could have that at least. “Coffee?”

Barnaby did not sit, nor did he respond to the offer of coffee. “You were reading.”

“Ah… yes, so I was, wasn’t I?” Kotetsu laughed nervously and turned the book over on the table so only the write-up on the back was visible. Barnaby’s eyes narrowed as he tilted his head just slightly to read. Kotetsu ever-so-not-stealthily covered the text. His attempt at lazily placing an elbow on a worn paperback fooled only himself.

Barnaby considered his options for questions. He was debating between “What are you reading?”, “Why are you reading?”, and “You read?” He discarded the last, as the book did not appear to be consequential in the very least. The second he discarded because Kotetsu was always finding ways to use his time unwisely. Thus, he asked, “What are you reading?”

“You have an interest, Bunny-chan? You want to trade books, ahah! We can have a Secret Hero Book Club. Let’s invite Rock Bison, ahaha!” His nervously grandiose laugh stretched far enough to just be past comfortable conversation, and gave him a delay to think. No way out presented itself.

“Nevermind,” said Barnaby. “Are you almost finished?”

“With the book?” Did Bunny-chan actually want to trade books?

“With lunch. If you don’t hurry, you’ll make us late.” Barnaby eyed the remains of the meal with distaste. There were… crumbs… everywhere. He resisted the urge to pick each one off of the tablecloth and put it on a plate. Then he forced aside the urge to stack the messy multitude of plates. How could one man use so many plates in the span of only one lunch?

“Oh, riiiiight. You have another special piece to film today, don’t you?”

Barnaby’s nose twitched irritably. “We both have a responsibility to show our respect by being on time.”

“Yes, yes, we’ll get there. The bus is due by in only ten minutes.” Kotetsu finished his water in a long gulp.

Barnaby’s eyes strayed once more to the paperback while Kotetsu’s arm was so dramatically in the air. His mouth moved without thinking as he read, eventually trailing into speech: “’…could Gale’s sensual choice bring magic to the Wind Wizard’s solitary life?’ – What is this, oji-san?”

“Wha—oh! Buuunny… You can’t judge me for this. This isn’t what you think. I mean—”

They both reached for the book at the same moment, Barnaby’s fingers slipping beneath Kotetsu’s at the last instant and snatching it from him.

“That’s not fair. You’re younger, you have faster reflexes.”

Again, Barnaby ignored his chatterbox partner and put his attention to the book at hand. “ _Blown Away_  by Donna Galestrom.” Barnaby finally looked up at a seething, growling, grumpy old man. “This is the worst thing every published. Where did you get this?”

“Eh, they’re popular. Not with me, I mean. I just saw it on a stand outside that bookstore down there.” His voice was muffled as he spoke, sometimes into his hand.

Barnaby glared. “You mean to tell me that you  _purchased_  this nightmare?”

“Well I didn’t steal it!”

Barnaby opened the book to a random page against Kotetsu’s protestation of, “You don’t want to do that!”

 _Gale slid her hands along the strong helmet and said, “Oh, Sky High. Will you be my King tonight? Sternbild can have you any day. I just want you now.” Her voice grew dark and husky. “In fact, I want you,_ all _of you,_ right now _.”_

 _Sky High murmured, “Thank you, and again… thank you.” He leaned in closely. “I, too,_ want _you, Gale, more than I’ve even wanted justice itself. Prepare yourself to be mounted by a man who might be more than you can manage!”_

_Sky High lifted her into the air and wind gusts blew Gale’s skirt upward. She moaned when she felt Sky High’s glove…_

Barnaby snapped the book closed with force. He, being aware of his pale skin, had trained himself to control blushing very well over time, but forgot in this moment. “This… is…”

“Yes,” said Kotetsu knowledgeably, “the worst book ever. I know. They always are.”

Barnaby stared in amazement. “There are more of these?” He stared at the lurid cover with distaste. “We cannot let him know. No, we must not let this continue. I know that Mr. Maverick knows some of Poseidon’s legal staff. I’m quite sure this can be nipped in the bud.”

Kotetsu was quiet a moment. Then he grinned.

“What?” asked his partner irritably.

“Oh, nothing. Just that if you want to nip the bud, you’ll be weeding a large and well-tended garden. Maybe this little Bunny just wanted to play in the flowers after all.” Kotetsu slapped his own knee in delight at his cleverness.

Realisation finally dawned. “You mean, oji-san, that there are more than just more of these. You mean there are very much more of these.”

“Oh, come on, Bunny-chan. These are just evidence of doing well. You don’t want to get rid of these horrible little books! Why, in my day, I knew what my ratings were by walking by a book stand like that one.” Again he pointed to the bookshop on the corner.

Barnaby looked impassively at the shop, then turned back to Kotetsu. He shook his head a moment, then stood up sharply. “ _There are_ _ **these**_ _of YOU?!_ ”

“Ack! The bus is here!” Kotetsu fled the patio and launched himself to the bus. At no point had he noticed that Barnaby had brought the bike.

***

Barnaby switched from window to window. Tabs grew and were closed with alarming speed. And, worst of all, it seemed that every page had a talking advertisement. He considered drowning out the obnoxious sales pitches with some “O Mo Babbino Caro”, but endured for the experience’s sake. He wondered what the marketing of amazon.co.jp would change to after he made this purchase.

The topic of terrible romance novels of his fellow Heroes through the ages bore some need of research. Barnaby, well-versed in the power of research, had decided to kill two birds with one digital stone by removing some of the universally foul books from the market and learn what the appeal could possibly be. He clicked on his cart to see the final tally:

_Taming the Wind_

_The Hero’s Lady_

_Running with the Bulls_

_Hearts Aflame_

_Hearts Aflame 2: Fever Pitch_

_The Wind and the Wolf_

_Beating the Ice Queen_

_Blown Away_

_Riding the Breeze_

_Hiding in Plain Sight_

_Origami Blossom_

_Origami Bud_

_Origami Flower_

_Sleeping with the Enemy_

_High Black_

_I Could Eat a Whole Cow_

_Burning with Desire_

_Winds of Change_

_Used by the Hero_

_Drawn to the Flame_

_Coming Up for Air_

_Sultry Secrets of the Cyclone_

_Winds of Passion_

_His Secret Life_

_For a Million Stern_

_El Matadora_

_Legendary Love_

_…_ and on.

The eventual total would have been prohibitive for any but the most avid reader. Barnaby had the resources and the intent, however, to follow up on the horror of the day. He had been noticeably distracted during filming, and Wild Tiger had been the talkative, bubbly personality. This would not do. And so to ameliorate the situation, he knew he must buy as many Hero romance novels as could be found. The covers were varied in subject matter—from Hero to Hero—but shared a similarly uncomfortable quality. It amused him that when Origami Cyclone’s face was in view, Ivan had usually become Japanese. Barnaby assumed it was only natural. It also amused him to see the high-heeled ladies featured on the covers of those novels promising a “twisty, turny, urban romance”. Barnaby knew that most of Nathan’s interest in those ladies would, in fact, be their shoes.

The final “place order” felt like a triumph. There, he would soon have all the knowledge he could manage.

***

“Oy, Bunny, you look tired. Have you been sleeping well?” Kotetsu walked around the Barnaby a few times.

“You shouldn’t be so overbearing. I can take care of myself and have done so since I was very young.”

“What, am I not allowed to worry about my favorite Bunny-chan?” Kotetsu laughed and fell back in step with Barnaby. They got to their desks and began to shuffle their large stacks of genuinely pointless papers.

“I do not need your worry.”

Kotetsu leaned in. “I worry. It’s what I do. It’s a papa thing.”

Changing the subject before it could grow even stranger, Barnaby said, “I bought as many as I could find. Online.”

“Eh?” Kotetsu was truly confused. “Bought what?”

“Books. One hundred and thirty novels of Heroes. Doing. Things. Thattheywouldneverdo.” Barnaby’s eyes flashed dangerously.

“Ah… So Heroes never have a  _wild_ romance?” Kotetsu leaned back in his chair and folded his arms behind his head.

“These books are… indecent.”

“Oh, yes. Some of them really are.”

Barnaby was disgusted. “You know all about these, don’t you?”

Kotetsu closed his eyes in happy memory. “Yes… yes… I used to buy them for my wife. When I started getting famous, she wanted a record of my career. So I bought her every single Wild Tiger book that came out. I don’t know why, but she loved them. It’s not like she read any other romance novels, though, but I dunno…”

Kotetsu’s animated features calmed into a quieter smile. Inside, he felt the peace of having known love that could be so silly. “Oh! So did you get any of my books?!” he asked suddenly.

“Right.  _Your_  books. No. They were all out of print.”

Kotetsu’s face fell. “Not even  _Lady and the Tiger_? Or  _Fearful Symmetry_?”

“No.”

“ _Touch of the Beast_?”

“Ugh. No.”

“But  _Tiger’s Mate_  was even on the bestseller list!”

“Never heard of it. Thankfully.”

Kotetsu sighed, dejected. “And even I thought  _Tamed!_  was pretty inventive. And of course there was  _Roar of Passion._ Tomoe loved that one best. Oh, well.”

“I cannot be having this conversation anymore with you.” Barnaby turned away and stood.

“You started it! Hey, where are you going? We have work to do!”

Barnaby raised a dismissive hand and left. The other employees in the office stared at Kotetsu until he noticed. Then no one would meet his eyes. Some days, he thought, he seemed more  _persona non grata_ than others.

***

It wasn’t until the afternoon workout that they met up again. Kotetsu heard the cries from outside. Nathan could be piercing when whipped into a frenzy. But it was Pao Lin he was able to understand first.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

Nathan answered, “Oh, no, dear child, you are much too young for this sordid thing. Only big girls can read these!”

Kotetsu could guess the conversation, especially when he saw a certain red and white jacket in the coatroom. He changed quickly and went out to meet the others.

“Oh, yeah!” said Ivan brightly, running over to his bag. He nearly bumped into Kotetsu. “Oh, hi, Wild Tiger!”

“It’s okay, Origami-kun.” He looked at the bizarre scene in front of him.

Nathan was holding one of the romance novels above Pao Lin’s head, and she was hopping ineffectively. Keith, who was leaning against a balance rail, was studiously reading one well-thumbed book with his own persona’s image on the cover. Karina had her arms crossed and hopped from foot to foot in place. She periodically said things like, “You shouldn’t let people do that…” Antonio laughed loudly and posed (presumably to match the book in his hand), then laughed again and handed it back to Nathan. Eventually, Nathan’s arms were full of similar books. Ivan ran to the cluster with his own terrible prize.

“Look!” he said. “I’ve got long hair on this cover! And I’m Japanese again! I love literature…”

Nathan walked over to Keith and read over his shoulder. “Oh, wow,  _does_  it work like that?”

The actual wind wizard looked thoughtful, and stared off into space. “I don’t know,” he finally stated.

And in the middle was Barnaby with a stack of boxes colorfully marked with amazon.co.jp logos, as well as rush delivery postage.

Kotetsu walked directly up to the stack of boxes. “Ehhh… how many are in here?”

Barnaby looked at him with a piercing glare, one clearly perfected over years of pent up practice.

“Turn that thing off. I just asked. Why did you get all of these?”

“I needed to research. To gain points, one must understand what is most appealing.”

Kotetsu rummaged through the top, open box. He flipped past the box set of  _Sexy Tales of the Wind Wizard_ , the books with various covers just featuring fire textures and sensually descriptive words, and discovered…

“Bunny, none of these books are about  _you_!”

As one, the Heroes turned and looked at Barnaby. They had apparently not realised the truth of which the Tiger had spoken until that moment. But it was true—not one of the books ordered at all concerned lustful imaginings of the Hero whose photo books outclassed all of their own.

“Really, Handsome?” asked Nathan. “I don’t even get  _one_  with your pretty face on the cover? I mean, they’d even know what you look like, wouldn’t they? Unlike Origami-kun over there.”

“Isn’t that point of wearing as mask, though?” said Ivan, perking up. “Wow, and I’ve even got a scar… Have I ever been in a fight on TV when I would have gotten a scar?”

“Haha! You’ve barely been in a fight on TV, haven’t you?” Antonio patted Ivan’s shoulder. “But look at mine—I don’t even get a face. Maybe it’s just the mask. How am I holding a rose there? Maybe it’s taped on…”

Kotetsu glanced back at Barnaby, who had assumed an attitude of superiority. “I…”

“You found all of this, and you didn’t get your own?”

Barnaby again flushed. He used the towel over his shoulder to demonstrate how very much the flush was from the heat of a good workout, one which he had not yet started. “I did not find any.”

He turned away from the group. “You may avail yourselves of these, but I’ll need to take them with me when I leave today.”

Nathan laughed. “Oh, Handsome is so generous today!” Only those listening carefully could detect the cleverly twisted sarcasm.

But the novelty of the books, in a variety of formats, lengths and, erm, questionable quality, kept the Heroes distracted. At times, some passages were read aloud. The covers ranged from swooning maidens on Heroes’ arms to imposing leather-clad women and significantly ripped Hero costuming. Then there were the ones with no cover art whatsoever with the most very intimidating titles. But not one featuring Wild Tiger (either from his TopMag days or the present) or Barnaby Brooks, Jr. Kotetsu eyed his partner throughout the afternoon, but little conversation passed between them. There was enough conversation from their co-Heroes. The game of “confuse Dragon Kid” ran the length of the afternoon and into evening. At last, two men in shipping uniforms came to Barnaby and loaded the stack of boxes into Barnaby’s car.

 _He left without even saying goodbye_ , thought Kotetsu.  _And_ I’m _the one who even_ told _him about these._ He crossed his arms frustratedly. But that did bring up an interesting question—where  _were_  the Barnaby Brooks, Jr. books? And surely something had come up for himself?

Well, Barnaby could get online and get hundreds of everyone else’s books. Kotetsu could also play that game. If his home computer still worked.

***

By the time Kotetsu returned home, however, he was exhausted. Rice, shower, then couch. The issue of Barnaby’s books was forgotten. Sometime later, in the wee-est of hours, Kotetsu woke with a crick in his back, neck, and leg. He rolled over to hear an uncomfortable crunching in his bones. Shivering, he stood and hopped from foot to foot to warm up. Then he half-laughed to himself, remembering how cranky Barnaby had seemed. That had made the day valuable.

“What time is it?” He looked to his computer and tried wiggling the mouse to wake it up from the bouncing “We’re Heroes! Let’s Believe!” screen saver. “Eehh, come on…” He clicked both buttons repeatedly until the familiar screen came up—Kaede frowning angrily for the camera on his desktop. Ah, yes, clock, down there…

Kotetsu was not a fan of computers.

Twelve minutes later, exactly, Kotetsu smiled. Thirty-two seconds later, his eyebrows raised in astonishment. And fourteen more minutes later, he had spent more at once than he had even for his late wife. He even sprang for the overnight shipping.

***

The next day was quieter, with less hubbub. Kotetsu knew he would have to wait, given the late hour at which he had made his purchase. He stayed late at the gym to make sure to catch the shipment. It was one box only, but well packed. He looked first at the covers. They were lavish works of love, with even more extravagant liberties taken that he was used to. And far more skin. Then he read the backs.

 _…Wild Tiger was at the end of his rope when stylish Barnaby Brooks, Jr. came on scene just in time to rescue the older man. Who knew that they would end up working together so closely, or so_ intimately _…_

 _…Hunky Barnaby Brooks, Jr. wasn’t going to let anyone stand in his way on his quest for perfec_ tion _, but Wild Tiger could more than distract him on the way there…_

_…Could these two partners survive being “partners”?…_

_…Will Barnaby make Wild Tiger let out a “wild roar” again?…_

Every single one. Kotetsu flipped from one to the next, amazed. He had thought, deep down, that at least one book’s content he would have guessed incorrectly. But indeed,  _every single romance novel_  about Barnaby Brooks, Jr.  _also_  included Wild Tiger. And there wasn’t a single woman on any cover, or mentioned on the back.

And that’s when he opened the book titled  _Two Hundred Power_.

“Oh my!” he yelled. A passing member of the janitorial staff stared at him and Kotetsu waved him on. He quickly repacked the box and ran out to his car. He knew the way to Barnaby’s house well enough. There were some shocks that partners should share.

THE END

STOP HERE

GO NO FURTHER

UNLESS YOU DO NOT FEAR THE COCK


	2. Epilogue:  Review Your Purchases?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On to the cocks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized later that I had written something charming and then marred it with about twice as much porn. Eh. It is what it is. To be illustrated in the future, hur hur hur. (Eighth grader laugh of inappropriateness.)

Barnaby opened the door to a grinning face for which he had no patience. He closed the door again.

“Oy! Hey hey open up!”

The old man’s obnoxious voice was not quite muffled enough to ignore.

“I’m busy, oji-san.”

Kotetsu tapped on the door again. “Come on, open up. What, you reading your mountain of other people’s romance novels?” He knew by the silence inside the apartment that he had hit the nail on the head. “That’s pretty sad, don’t you think? When you have your own… ratings indicators…” Kotetsu felt especially proud of that dig. “…which I have right here?”

Silence for a beat, then two. Then the door opened. Barnaby turned away from the door and walked back to his desk chair. The boxes from the previous day were stacked beside the desk, and about fifteen paperbacks littered the desk. A text-filled document was open on the computer screen. Kotetsu glanced at it as he plopped his own box on top of the stack. “Really? You’re taking notes?”

“How do you study?” Barnaby touched the screen to hide his work.

Kotetsu rubbed the back of his head. “Eh… well, I don’t really study. That kind of thing, anyway. Geez, you’re more than a little strange sometimes.”

“Forgive me for devoting my time to my job.” Barnaby pointedly did not inquire about the box or its contents. Kotetsu stared at him, waiting, and when the moment did not come growled in frustration.

Kotetsu pointed at his prize. “Usually I’d say to leave it at the office, Bunny-chan, but here I am trying to help you.” He drew himself up, trying to express masterful control of the situation. “Now, Bunny-chan, you will better yourself with real study!” Kotetsu, with grandiose gesture, indicated his box. “Here, know what your most adoring fans require of you!” He upended the box atop Barnaby’s desk, paperbacks scattering and falling in the floor, Barnaby’s chair, and Kotetsu’s own feet.

“What do you think you’re doing? You come in and you’re here to just make a mess. You’re nothing but trouble, and—” Barnaby paused mid-rant and tilted his head. He did not quite understand the input data for several moments, so he knelt to the floor where the greatest concentration of the data lay. “Kotetsu… What is this?”

Grinning like a cat, Kotetsu crossed his arms and sassily leaned against the wall. “There you have it, Bunny-chan. All the research material you could possibly want, ne?”

“What is… this?” He picked up one sample from the pile and smoothed the cover. He couldn’t quite look at it and tried to both look and not look at the same time. “Aren’t these… inappropriate?”

Kotetsu nodded sagely. “Very. That’s the point of these, you see.”

“But these are different. From all the others that I found. How did you…? Why would these exist?” Barnaby looked up from the floor to Kotetsu, vulnerability etched into his bright eyes.

Kotetsu melted off the wall. “Eh, Bunny…. don’t give me that face. I’ll help you clean up. I just wanted to make a, a big display, yanno? Eheh, sorry—”

“How could they  _know_?!” Barnaby suddenly shouted.

Kotetsu had already crouched to begin restacking the novels, and it took a moment for the words to register. “Know what, Bunny-chan?”

“That we are…” Bunny began to say in a shaky voice before halting himself. He glanced beside him and stopped. No need to say, after all. “It’s just not right that people should write these.” He pointed a long, disdaining finger at one cover, in which his likeness was scandalously painted.

“That we are what?” Kotetsu asked. He looked at another cover. This time, “Barnaby”’s back was visible to the viewer, looking small and wounded, while “Kotetsu” was holding him close in a predatory/protective fashion. “They do seem to have some strange ideas about us, ne, Bunny-chan?”

Barnaby spoke very quietly. “It would never be like that, like any of these.” He sat back, an air of dark depression over him so that even his bright hair seemed dulled.

Kotetsu looked up, watching as his partner wilted. “Bunn—Barnaby… You shouldn’t take these personally. None of those people,” he gestured to the pile of books, “know you or me.” He smiled to comfort his partner.

"But, Kotetsu. How did they know this much?" He brandished a novel featuring a not-quite Barnaby clinging to a not-quite Wild Tiger. The "Barnaby" was licking the other man’s neck. "We’ve been so careful! We’ve never given any indication at all!"

"Indication? Nan—huh?" He cocked his head to the side to look up at Barnaby.

"On camera, I mean. No matter how tempting, we’ve always withheld  _everything_. That’s the way it is!” Barnaby seemed very distressed. “And now you show me these. How did they know?”

The Look of Confusion ™ passed over Kotetsu’s face. “Bunny, what exactly do you mean?

Barnaby sighed in frustration. “About us! Don’t you think someone must have found out and leaked it in order for these books to exist? We should worry about who has been around us. Maybe the other Heroes have said something that we didn’t hear about in the press yet?” An expression of revelation. “How long ago was this? Quick, help me find the publication dates of all of these!” Barnaby knelt again and began flipping to the copyright dates in each of the books.

"Bunny-chan." He stood suddenly, whacking his head on the desk and sitting down as suddenly. "Oww…." he mumbled, holding the offended spot on his head.

Barnaby’s mood shifted instantly and he laughed quietly behind his hand. “Oji-san…” He reached out to touch Kotetsu’s chest. All his efforts had been for nothing, it seemed. A single touch in his own home couldn’t inflame the public any _more_  after all.

Kotetsu tensed at the touch. His Bunny was not typically a tactile one. “Bunny-chan…?”

Barnaby knelt between Kotetsu’s spread legs. “Yes, Kotetsu?” He blushed at the deeply penetrating brown-eyed stare. He removed Kotetsu’s hat and set it on the floor beside them both, capping a stack of three books. The knot forming on Kotetsu’s head was already visible. Barnaby gently touched it and made a disapproving sound.

Kotetsu hissed a bit in pain, and glanced up to Barnaby. “What are you doing?” he asked softly, catching Barnaby’s wrist in a gentle grip. It dawned on him that this made for a strange kind of scene: just plain Kotetsu Kaburagi sitting on a famous Hero’s floor while that Hero checked his injury, while both of them were sitting in a pile of porn… about them… together… Yes, this was very weird.

“I’m making sure that you’re all right.” He leaned forward to look at the lump. He stared a moment, and then just went for it. He kissed the top of Kotetsu’s head, as softly as he could. Barnaby’s chest brushed against Kotetsu’s nose in the process. “You don’t have to get hurt on my behalf anymore, you know.”

Kotetsu did not quite hear the words as his head was a mixture of pain and confusion. What was Barnaby upset about that would make him… do that… to his head? Was this man curled around him about to announce something, or was Kotetsu imagining the weight in the air? Or was that weight just the feeling of head injury? It’s not as though he hadn’t been propositioned before. He could handle that, and considered himself the master of the polite declination, but… “Bunny,” he said, pushing Barnaby back just a bit with hands on his hips, we have to talk.”

Barnaby’s face went slack as the terror welled up within him. His very worst fears had come true already? “Is it because of the books? Is it too risky for you now?” Barnaby fought the tears of this third wild mood swing. He leaned back against Kotetsu’s hands, greedily taking what warmth he could before Kotetsu dropped the bombshell that he knew would come after the dreaded “ _we need to talk_ ”.

Kotetsu let himself snort out a half-laugh. “Bunny-chan , these books have nothing to do with it. That is…” He stroked a comforting hand down Barnaby’s back. Those wide, green eyes were so full of sadness. “I just hadn’t know that you thought we were… er… together. In, um,  _that_ way. You see?”

Barnaby blinked a few times in confusion. He stared long enough that Kotetsu wondered momentarily if he had remembered to speak in English. Barnaby knew that Kotetsu wouldn’t lie to him. He couldn’t lie. He was terrible at it. But he was making less sense than usual. “But we’ve been partners for more than a year now. We’re there for each other. We are…  _together_ , aren’t we? I know we’ve had to be subtle. It’s a delicate business. I always assumed you would give it away, but all this time…”

"We are partners against crime, Bunny. I hadn’t realised that you felt like this." He stroked over Barnaby’s back, and cupped a hand over Barnaby’s hand, which still rested against his chest.

"But you were willing to die for me. You took Lunatic’s fire for me. You have helped me in every endeavor. And you know I’ve never had any interest in women.” Big, green eyes blinked innocently.

He caught Barnaby’s hands in his own. “OI, Bunny. Just a minute. I might or might not have known that you had no interest in women, but I equally don’t think because a man has an interest in men, he has an interest in me. I am loyal to you, and want you to be well. Eh… It would have been… um? Selfish to think there was a sexual interest.” Kotetsu smiled kindly. “I never knew you felt this way, because you never asked.”

Barnaby’s thoughts derailed.  “But I thought you already… had… with action… declared….” His voice was thick with the difficulty of putting such topics into words. He looked down between them and realised that the comforting hand on his back was still petting, and that the hand on his wrist was stroking over his pulse point with a thumb. “Would you consider this, then, asking?” he breathed just before quickly kissing Kotetsu’s lips.

The kiss was sweet, and cool against his own warm lips. Barnaby’s lips were soft, Kotetsu’s tongue flicking outward to taste them, and then against his teeth—that slight overbite a wonderful imperfection in the aesthetic excellence that was Barnaby Brooks Jr.

Barnaby sighed in surprise at the gentleness of the kiss. He pulled back to look Kotetsu square in the eye. “So, are you going to still break up with me?”

"I don’t Think you can break up with someone, unless you have already been on a date with them," said Kotetsu, scratching absently at his beard. He considered that there were a few definite quirks to his Bunny-chan.

Barnaby kissed Kotetsu’s fingers, then pulled his hand down and kissed his lips again. He hadn’t thought much about it, but he had never kissed anyone before this moment. It was exciting, this sudden touch of lips. And there was that scent, stronger than ever before, of his partner’s cologne and, well,  _self_. “Then we’re together. If we’re not breaking up, then we’re together.” He knew the logic was faulty, but it pleased him that Kotetsu was kissing him back.

He rearranged his limbs, crossing his legs around Barnaby, cupping his hands on the small of his waist, and kissing experimentally, enjoying the odd feeling of hard, masculine body against his own, when it wasn’t in his power suit. Something rather more potent that plain excitement overtook Barnaby as those arms wrapped around him. He pressed himself, hard, to Kotetsu and murmured his name against his lips. He wanted more of the scent dotted on Kotetsu’s lips, so ducked to Kotetsu’s neck. He licked experimentally, then bit, just once, sharply. Kotetsu yelped, and Barnaby half-whispered, “I’m very sorry.”

“Just be careful with those bunny bites, yeah?”

Barnaby kissed the spot again and inhaled deeply. Oh, yes, this was a good thing. Again, he drew in Kotetsu’s scent, and took to sucking, hard, at his neck. He didn’t realise it, but he was grinding his hips against Kotetsu’s stomach.

He chuckled, the working over his neck tickling, and then that hard sucking was something else entirely, that thrill of sex washing up through him. “Bunny-chan… I’ve never been with a man. You’d… you’d have to lead me through it.”

Barnaby pulled back again. “Well, heh. Neither have I. But I at least have made a study of the subject. And!” and here he held up a cautionary finger. “One need not feel the requirement of going ‘all the way’ on the first time. That is an unnecessary expectation.” He crossed his arms authoritatively.

He waved his hands. “No-no! I wasn’t thinking that we would. I would surely want to take you on a date first.” He scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Ah. Good." Barnaby put a hand to Kotetsu’s crotch. "That said, you should let me handle this."  
  


“Oi oi oi!” He jumped, staring down at Barnaby’s hand, his own hands flailing and landing on more romance novels. He slid, some of the books landing on his chest. Barnaby looked down at the book. He picked it up and let it naturally fall open. He began to read aloud. “The younger Hero lowered his blonde head and kissed the crown of the engorged… engorged?… Hmmmm.” He turned the pages towards Kotetsu. “Like this?” Steam seemed to radiate from the book.

He grabbed the book, holding it up to read. “And then took him with his pink… ehyeahyeah. This is steamy.” He read on. “Ack, but they expect a lot out a man!”

"But would you like for me to perform oral sex upon your genitals?" Barnaby’s face was impassive, if a bit flushed.

"How very clinical. Heh." Kotetsu murmured "I…I wouldn’t say ‘No’ if that was what you wanted to do. No sane man would, but are you sure, Bunny-chan?"

"Of course. You told me to ask. So I’ve asked." He scooted back and shoved the box’s worth of naughty books out of the way and again touched Kotetsu’s crotch, eying it like a new puzzle: a bit uncertain, but interesting.

"Do you want to move off of the floor, or to a bed?" Kotetsu asked, suddenly feeling very unsure.

"Of course. I’m sorry that I did not see to your comfort first." Barnaby leaned forward and gave another, tender kiss to Kotetsu. He stood, and forcibly pulled Kotetsu to his own feet. Barnaby awkwardly leaned in and hugged an arm around Kotetsu’s side. He felt very stiff, but was committed, now, to be every inch the appropriate boyfriend. After all, he had to make up for lost time since the oyaji hadn’t noticed their relationship until now.

"Here, let me try." Kotetsu caught Barnaby’s chin with his hand, and touched his lips to Barnaby’s kissing tenderly, his hands trailing as they would, one winding up in Barnaby’s hair, and the other at his waist.

Many minutes later, the two arrived in Barnaby’s bedroom, both breathing heavily and Kotetsu with his shirt partially undone. Several mouth-sized welts were rising up on the exposed portions of his chest. Barnaby had a light patina of sweat, and his skin was overall pinkened with excitement. He nearly, but not quite, tossed Kotetsu head over heels onto his bed. “I’m sorry that it is so small. But I hope it is more comfortable than against the wall. Now let me at this.” Barnaby hurriedly knelt and almost without effort undid Kotetsu’s belt.

Mind-muddled with a warm buzz of kissing and touching, he now found his legs spreading, enjoying the feeling of Barnaby’s hands working up under his shirt and down over his hips and groin. He shook free of his muzzy, and looked at Barnaby. “Bunny-chan, remember that you don’t have to, if you feel its rushing.”

Barnaby decided that nonverbal response was best. He knelt and pressed his tongue directly to the apparent bulge in Kotetsu’s trousers while looking up hopefully. His bedroom seemed over-bright. He decided that it was from the dilation of pupils due to arousal. He half-closed his eyes and focused instead on the heat and pressure of the member before him, straining to get out despite Kotetsu’s thoughtful words.

Kotetsu decided, then, that he’d been as much the gentleman as he could stand. “Bunny-chan, please?” He gripped into the sheets beneath him. All right, last chance. “Are you sure an old man like me should be your.. you know, first?”

Barnaby breathed deeply, taking that deeper scent with joy. Again he pushed, hard, with his tongue. He spread it broadly over the member he could feel, teasing himself with the promise of it. He felt a quiver of fear in his stomach, and immediately quelled it. He looked up at Kotetsu, every bit of his arousal pouring out of his eyes and displayed in his supplicant pose. “Your first is supposed to be the one you love.”  
  


A hard, deep blush of arousal covered Kotetsu’s cheeks and ran along his nose. “Yes.” An affirmation of all sorts, he gripped into the sheets, his brain finally willing to let his body hold sway. He moaned, as Barnaby’s hands ran over the front of his trousers, teasing with their warmth.

Barnaby moved with alarming speed. He stripped Kotetsu’s lower half and gasped at the reveal. It was one thing to study sex manuals and safety guides. It was another thing entirely to be nose to tip. It was, oddly, prettier than he’d expected; also more different from his own than he’d thought. Barnaby didn’t notice that he made a soft sound aloud upon getting to see it. He touched a fingertip to the very deep pink slit in front of him. He was trying to remember everything he had read on this subject, including an article or two from Cosmopolitan. But it was very hard to think, and all he could do as lick his lips eagerly.

Kotetsu, however, worried about the very hard stare. Barnaby’s glasses gave him a severity that was intimidating.  _Is something wrong with it? Is it not what he was expecting?_ Kotetsu swallowed hard. And then he saw the licking of lips. “Barnaby?”

Barnaby, not exacting answering, said only to himself, “Do I kiss it? Touch it? Lick it? Or just suck it?” He looked up to Kotetsu, questioning directly with wide eyes. “What comes first?’

Kotetsu scooted and leaned back against the pillows. “Uh… touch it, Bunny-chan? Try that and go from there?”

"Un-hunh," said Barnaby. With just the tips of his index and middle finger, he touched the very tip, pressing into the slit, and trailed down. Unexpectedly, the prick jumped in front of him. He caught it with his other hand and squeezed carefully. It was very warm, and surprisingly soft to the touch. He realised that he couldn’t stop touching, and that Kotetsu was making odd little noises. It was odd, the feeling of someone else touching him, the feel of Barnaby’s hand working over him. He moaned and rolled his hips into Barnaby’s grasp.

Barnaby nuzzled into the root of his partner: more of that delicious Kotetsu-ness. The hair there was also very soft. Barnaby opened his mouth to feel the girth of Kotetsu’s prick at the base. He gave a bit of suction and tested what a tug would be like. Then he had to taste. He laved his tongue, hard, against the actual flesh he’d not quite been willing to let himself consider touching for well over a year now.

“Ahn!” The gasp came harshly. Kotetsu’s body curled. His hand sank into the soft curls of Barnaby’s hair. He physically kept himself from gripping, and directing Barnaby’s mouth down over the head. It was an impressive effort. Barnaby dimly realised that he was approaching this a bit backwards, starting at the base like this. To compensate, he returned to stroking the tip, now that he was more able to remember what all his research suggested. He petted the frenulum and all around the head with his fingers while he enjoyed with his lips and tongue the base. With one finger, he pushed Kotetsu’s cock upwards until it touched his shirt. Barnaby then could get to the underside. He enjoyed feeling of the thickness of Kotetsu on his tongue, so he again, and at last without a barrier, pressed his tongue fully against the underside of Kotetsu’s cock. He was suddenly aware of how hard he himself had become. He gripped Kotetsu’s knees and spread him open as far as he could and licked Kotetsu long, and with as much pressure as he could manage. “Unnngh…” he purred out obscenely. He couldn’t help it. When at last he came to Kotetsu’s tip, he hissed out, “Kotetsu, I want you to know ahead of time,” and he paused to lick around the darkened head, “that I intend for you to come in my mouth if you find it pleasurable.”

Kotetsu did not, as was his instinct, say any of the variants of “take it you dirty bunny” that went through his head. He mentally congratulated himself. Instead Kotetsu looked down at his partner, “partner” now in every sense of the word. He licked his lips. “Pleas, let me, um… I can’t just be passive. I need to do something for you.”

Barnaby tilted his head curiously. “Am I no good after all? I’m sure with a bit more practice I can do better. You never do have patience.” He glared just a bit up at Kotetsu.

Kotetsu pouted a little. ” I can’t just sit and let you spoil me. I have touch my lover in reciprocation. Please?” He arced to kiss Barnaby. He flicked his tongue against those cute bunny teeth again, to pleasing effect on his partner.

Barnaby grumped, “But I was working, Kotetsu!”

It’s not work…Barnaby-kun.” He pulled closer and kissed him again. “But if you insist.” He spread his legs wider, shirt and tie askew and hair a mess in his face. “Do with me, what you would like.”

Barnaby flushed as red as his jacket. “If… if you were to reciprocate. what would you do?” He waited for the answer with Kotetsu’s cock just barely between his lips.

“Eh? Well, touch you, kiss you, and murmur sweet kindnesses into your skin, I suppose. And then go with the flow, or something like that.” He stared him straight in the eyes, a soft smile on his face.

Barnaby considered as he flicked his tongue slowly and methodically over Kotetsu’s tip, enjoying the shivers he received in return. He decided, and sat back. “I think I might accept that. But I will need to see you come, Kotetsu. So don’t get too distracted.” His eyes flashed dangerously.

“Wouldn’t dare dream of it, Bunny-chan!” He pulled Barnaby up to kiss him deeply. He stretched Barnaby out beside him on the bed and they curled together. He murmured against the skin of Barnaby’s throat, licking along the long muscle he found there. “Nathan’s right. You are handsome.” He faded off into Japanese, getting lost in the scent of Barnaby’s skin. He curled himself downward, undoing that prized belt, and undoing Barnaby’s trousers. He bit his lower lip, to slow himself down, wriggling Bunny’ clothing downward. “Did I mention I’ve never done this before either? I mean, not with men. So, um, let me know if I do something wrong?” Kotetsu tentatively licked the tip.

Barnaby shook suddenly and curled entirely around Kotetsu. “Ah! I’ve never…! Oh, uh…” Kotetsu grinned. He remembered his first blow job, and that he was similarly rendered dumb.  _So, I must be doing okay them._ Words stopped working for Barnaby while he decided to try to figure out what Kotetsu was doing. He was pretty sure it involved lips around his… ah… “Stop! Now!” He had felt his sac tighten threateningly.

Kotetsu pulled back, leaping to the back to the headboard, eyes wide. “Are you okay?”

Barnaby crawled forward, eyes dark with great purpose. “This is unfair no matter how we do it. So we have to both work together. As a team, right?” Barnaby smiled, hesitantly.

"As partners?" Kotetsu couldn’t help but grinning goofily. Barnaby settled against him, and soon their tongues fought against one another, as hands moved carefully over one another.

They worked well together, they found. They at least knew how to move with the other’s motions in mind. Their hips naturally found a rhythm by which to grind together. Each added a hand between them at once to their spit-slicked cocks. They laced fingers together and worked over themselves and each other in tandem, never ending their altogether messily delicious kiss.

"Bunny-chan," Kotetsu moaned into Barnaby’s throat.

"Yes?" Barnaby’s hand tightened over both of them.

“I’ll never leave you alone.” He moaned into his shoulder, clinging to him. “Even if you change you mind about all this tomorrow, I’ll still be your partner, right?”

Barnaby blinked, astonished, tears blinking at the edges of his vision. “What? No! Of course you wouldn’t leave, old m-Kotetsu!” He swatted Kotetsu with one hand and actually laughed. And then that laugh turned into a long cry of release as he forgot to stop himself from coming. Barnaby came, shuddering into Kotetsu’s so-warm embrace, an embrace that was simply there for him.

Kotetsu muffled his own cries while their finishes mixed. He kissed his Bunny, and stickily curled up with him. After a while, Kotetsu brushed Barnaby’s hair away from his closed eyes. “So, since it is like this now… and you’re the expert… How do we keep this quiet when I’m gonna have so much trouble not touching you all the time?”

“Mm?” Barnaby had a muzzy Kotetsu-themed buzz in his head. He looked up to his partner. “Couldn’t we just…” He laughed and closed his eyes again. “That’s silly. Nevermind.”

Kotetsu gently thunked Barnaby. “No no no, you’re going to tell me everything you’re thinking from now on.”

“Ah, well.” Barnaby sat up and kissed Kotetsu once. “I think I’m tired of hiding it, Kotetsu.”

“ _Nani_?”

END


End file.
